I'm Afraid to Fail
A Narrative Shift. Or... teeny-tiny steps, babe!
Have you ever talked yourself out of something big because you were sure you’d crash and burn? (Yup, I’ve been there too. Try to guess how long it took my husband to convince me to get on a horse.)
Here's the message that my brain sometimes sends me (my brain can be a real jerk!)...
“When we fail, we prove to everyone that we’re not good enough.” Says my brain.
"Not good enough for what?" I ask my brain.
"For life!" My jackass brain answers.
But what if we flipped that script? What if “I’m afraid to fail” became “Failure is proof I’m growing”?
Because the honest truth about failing, is that you can't avoid it. If you want a life filled with growth, change and opportunity, you can’t avoid it. You shouldn’t avoid it! Every time I’ve bombed (like that time I submitted my first romance novel idea for professional feedback and got slammed by the reviewer), fallen flat on my face (like I did, literally, in the dance audition for "Damn Yankees." I didn't get the part), or even just squeaked by (like the time I had my Dad write my final essay for an undergrad class called “Revolution just so I could pass - he got a B) , the failure forced me to lean in, look deeper, try again.
I call it failing forward.
I rewrote my romance novel proposal (occasionally wincing at the mean comments from the reviewer), and eventually, it became a novel.
I returned to dance classes, realizing my long-ago high-school skills wouldn't stick around without maintenance.
Okay, I didn't learn much from this one. Only not to take classes called "Revolution" anymore.
Eventually, I realized the only thing standing between me and my best life wasn’t the possibility of failure but my fear of it. And that fear usually starts in childhood. I vividly remember my Dad telling me that C's weren't average - they were unacceptable. Sound familiar?
So what we are going to do, my heroines, is we’re gonna take that fear of failure and give it a glow-up. We will declare every crash-and-burn moment as a launchpad, not a dead end. We will look for the lessons in every failure, even if the lesson is, "Don't do that again!"
So if you’ve been hiding from risk (whether it’s applying for a new job, starting a creative project, or even just trying that difficult steamed dumpling recipe) let’s crack open that door of possibility and tiptoe through. No wild leaps are required (you might fall on your ass like I did in front of the director at that Damn Yankees audition); just one small, tiny, brave tip-toey step toward something you’ve been avoiding.
Because if you’re never failing, chances are you’re staying way too comfortable. Hey listen, I love comfortable. I crave comfortable. Comfort is my friend. Because get too comfortable for too long and you can’t grow. And if you can’t grow, you can’t discover your real identity.
Narrative Shift:
Limiting belief:
I’m afraid to fail
Empowering narrative:
Failure is proof I’m growing
Reflection Prompts:
Who taught me that failure equals “not good enough,” and how can I challenge that story?
What’s the worst that could happen if I fail?
What’s the best that could happen if I try?
Where am I staying too comfortable, and how is that comfort holding me back?
Reinvention Steps:
Pick one specific thing you’ve been avoiding, whether submitting a manuscript, applying for a new job, or signing up for a cooking class. Commit to doing one small, safe step toward it this week (like sending a query email or watching a basic tutorial.)
Choose one “epic fail” from the past. Journal about how it moved you forward or taught you an important lesson. This helps cement the idea that each misstep can be a launchpad, not a verdict on your worth.
Create a failure ritual. Design a simple ritual to celebrate attempts rather than only outcomes. For instance, treat yourself to a bar of chocolate or a favorite tea whenever you try something new, regardless of the result. This builds a positive association with venturing out of your comfort zone.
Worksheet Link:
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