I Don't Deserve Success

A Narrative Shift.

This is the Narrative Shifts series. Bust one limiting belief every week and rewrite your empowering narrative. You get reflection prompts, reinvention steps (fun, doable action steps to keep you moving forward), and a juicy worksheet to guide you. Reclaim the starring role in your own life story. It’s like Glinda said, “You’ve had the power all along, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”

Sometimes, my husband gets very annoyed with me.

Last week someone complimented my business success, and I did the thing I always do: “Oh no, I just got lucky. Right place, right time.”

Yeah, that annoyed him.

“You need to talk yourself up more,” he said. “You earned every bit of where you are now. Stop giving all the credit to chance.”

I felt proud that he feels that way about me. Then I went right back to dismissing myself the next time someone said something nice.

My coaching business strapline was always, “for ordinary people, who want extraordinary lives.” I believe, truly and honestly, that anyone with a modicum of talent and opportunity can create an extraordinary life. What I didn’t realize then, and what I struggle with now, is that many people don’t want to be extraordinary. They just want to be ordinary and stable. They want an ordinary life, but with safety (financial safety being the main objective and for understandable reasons).

I’ve realized that in admitting that my life is extraordinary (and I can’t deny that it is, but I can’t seem to accept that I’ve worked my butt off for it), I feel I owe the world constant proof that I deserve it.

So I keep striving. Another degree. Another business. Another book. Another achievement to justify my success.

I call it luck because somewhere, deep down, I have that snarky little jealous mean girl (oh, will she ever just leave me alone) in my ear whispering, “Who do you think you are?”

And I don’t think it’s my fault that I feel like I don’t deserve success and I don’t think it’s your fault if you feel that way either. The patriarchy taught women that if you succeed, you either got lucky (no power) or you now owe a debt you can never repay (endless productivity).

Either way, you never get to rest. You never get to claim your wins. You never get to say “I built this with my own hands” and then... stop building. Even for a minute.

Want to know how deep this runs?

I got a PhD I didn’t need. Told myself it would give me instant recognition that I was worthy. When I finished, I thought: “Okay, NOW I’ve earned it.”

Except the goalpost just moved again. I literally forget half the time that I even have the damn thing, until someone addresses me as Dr. Cabrelli and then I remember, oh yeah, I did that. That was really hard.

I know for a fact that no amount of achievement will ever feel like enough when you’re trying to pay off a debt that was never real in the first place.

My husband sees it. He watches me burn myself out with “owing the world” something because I was born with drive and capability and a brain that works reasonably well.

But even though I was in the right place at the right time. Even though I had privilege (I came from near poverty, but I’m white and healthy after all), I know I created everything I have. Me.

And you did/do/will too.

Agency. Skill. Sustained effort. Decisions made. Failures endured.

That’s what built my extraordinary life. And that means I get to decide what I do with it, including rest, celebration, and the audacious act of simply enjoying what I’ve built without immediately looking for the next thing to prove. I’m still learning this, and perhaps I’m not even close to putting in into practice. But this is the truth I need you to hear.

And maybe next time, I’ll just say, “Thank you.”

Narrative Shift:

Limiting belief:

I Don’t Deserve Success.

Empowering narrative:

I created everything I have through agency and skill.

Reflection Prompts:

• The Deflection Audit: When someone compliments your success, what’s your automatic response? Do you credit luck, timing, other people? What are you protecting yourself from by not claiming your agency?

• The Goalpost Pattern: What did you think would finally make you feel “worthy” or “proven”? Did achieving it actually satisfy that hunger, or did you just find yourself looking for the next thing to earn?

• The Obligation Spiral: If you let yourself believe you’re extraordinary at what you do, what feels scary about that? What invisible contract do you think you’d be signing?

Reinvention Steps:

• Claim One Win. Out Loud: This week, when someone compliments you, practice saying “Thank you. I worked hard for that.” No deflection. No “I got lucky.” Watch what happens in your body when you let yourself own it.

• The Agency Inventory: Make a list of your three biggest accomplishments. For each one, write down the specific skills, decisions, and sustained effort that created that result. Let yourself see your fingerprints all over your success. (Bonus: Show this list to someone who loves you and watch them say “FINALLY.”)

• Permission to Stop Proving: Choose one thing you’re currently doing to “prove yourself” that you don’t actually need to do. A credential you’re chasing. A project that’s really about validation. Give yourself permission to stop. Because you already succeeded.

Worksheet Link:

Download here.

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